LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

A massive thank you this week to the most wonderful football team in all of mainland Europe.... Hercules of the Spanish First Division. What wonderful people, for beating a team that employs and starts possibly the worst thing to happen to football since Titus Brambles dad bought enrolled him at the local club.

Xavi is a disgrace; he's a greasy bastard, a rude little fucker, and to top it all off, not actually that good at football.

Now, I know for a fact that more people than you think agree with these claims, especially the one about him being shite on a football pitch, but up until now its been quite a hard claim to vocalise, because it stands, seemingly in stark contrast to the facts.

And there are many many facts about Xavi, facts which show him to really be rather good. 

He NEVER gives away possession

He has an exceptional pass rate

Teams he plays in often win

And most damningly, for me at least, people who know lots about football, (Sr'Alex for one) all seem dead eager to suck him off. 

But facts are what you make of them, so lets go into detail....

Firstly, Xavi is a pussy on the football pitch. The reason he never gives away possession is because he never makes a daring play. This works too for his passing stats. He only ever passes backwards. watch him play, i dare you. He gets passes from the defence, and passes back to them. His stats are so good because there's no rick involved in the game he plays. None at all. He also never passes very far, its always about ten metres or so. He is a massive fanny, so terrified about rep that he takes zero risk, and I promise you he only looks good because he plays on a good team. World greats would make any team better, any team at all if they join, but not him. Blackburn would still be blackburn, and Xavi is nothing more than a polished turd.

Lets elaborate. 

Football is about goals, pouring forward, taking risks, and taking a fucking shot every now and again, and Xavi epitomises a mindset that stands firmly against this. Him and his lot over at Barcccedlllooooooooooonha all wax lyrical about how they honour the beautiful game by play passing loads, and playing keep the ball, but I disagree. Passing alone is not the spirit of the game, and I do not watch football to watch an exercise in possession. I want daring, speed, and power, and more importantly, I want the players to want to score EVERY TIME they get the ball. Xavi does not do this, and in actual fact he reputation has made him worse.

He's so concerned with being flawless that he actually cost Barcelona a champions league final place.

Does anyone else remember? Against Inter, at the Nou Camp, he ambles into the box midway through the second half, lines up to shoot, and pussies out....... instead he passes. Any decent midfielder in the world would have shot had they been in that position, and one as supposedly as good a s he is would have scored, but no. Not Xavi. You could actually see it too, in that one instant, the pressure of manning up, of seizing responsibilty, and simultaneous embracing the fact that he could potentially disappoint people was too much for him, and he crumbled.

So no. Xavi is not good. All he does is pass backwards, pussy out and bore me.

AND... AND ... AND, he is a total wanker too. If and when you're good, you don't say it, you let others say it. It's called modesty, you dumb fuck.

He's arrogant as hell. Now don't get me wrong, arsenal aren't perfect, but I'm fairly certain they've been good, really good, to good old Cesc, and to bad mouth them like that is neither right, nor good, nor decent. Just because you think you're brilliant, don't just start slagging others off. (Derbies are a different thing, I'm not ignorant enough to want to foster a new era of love between real and barcelona)

And he's greasy. Too greasy. Shower once in a while.

I leave you with this to ponder on

would you trust him with your wife? I used to judge JT by this stick way back when, and look how that turned out.